STEEL BLUE TEXANS
Hall of Fame
This is the best mock draft out there.
http://thebrushback.com/mockdraft07.htm
1. Oakland Raiders
QB
JaMarcus Russell
LSU
Jr.
If you asked a scientist to build a prototypical quarterback of the future, he would come up with JaMarcus Russell. This guy eats Peyton Manning and ****s Tom Brady. He once threw a pass 400 yards from on his back while wearing mittens. Still, I expect him to be a major disappointment.
2. Detroit Lions
OT
Joe Thomas
Wisconsin
Sr.
Jon Kitna threw a lot of interceptions last year as a result of bad protection. With Joe Thomas on board, expect him to throw them out of stupidity.
3. Cleveland Browns
LB
Lawrence Timmons
Florida State
Jr.
The Ravens were planning to take this guy at 29, so the Browns will pull the rug out from under them by taking him here. Checkmate!
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
WR
Calvin Johnson
Georgia Tech
Sr.
Its between Calvin Johnson and a long snapper. If they go with Calvin Johnson and lose the Super Bowl on a botched snap, it could go down as one of the biggest draft blunders in history.
5. Arizona Cardinals
G
Justin Blalock
Texas
Sr.
The Cardinals hired a nobody head coach, so they might as well draft a nobody as well. This guard will at least provide Edgerrin James with another huge target to barrel into before falling on his face.
6. Washington Redskins
CB
Chris Houston
Arkansas
Jr.
The Redskins havent had a lot of practice in the draft lately, so someone needs to remind them they need to draft the guy first and then sign him, rather than sign every guy to a deal and then pick one.
7. Minnesota Vikings
S
Michael Griffin
Texas
Sr.
Last year in the first round, the Vikings selected Busty McBustington, Chad Greenway. This year expect them to be more cautious and pick up a safety, because only a retard could **** up the safety position.
8. Houston Texans
WR
Ted Ginn Jr.
Ohio State
Jr.
Last year David Carr threw fewer interceptions, had a higher completion percentage, and still somehow managed to be completely ineffective. Look for the Texans to draft a receiver here for him to throw to when his tailback is covered.
9. Miami Dolphins
OT
Joe Staley
Central Michigan
Sr.
Staley is the kind of player who plays all the way to the whistle, which is good because too many of their guys last year were stopping halfway through the play and jogging to the locker room. Thats why they had such lousy protection.
10. Atlanta Falcons
OT
Levi Brown
Penn State
Sr.
This lineman will provide additional protection for Mike Vick, which is the last thing he needs, since hes at his best when hes running for his life. Thats why the Falcons are praying the guy will be a bust.
11. San Francisco 49ers
DT
Alan Branch
Michigan
Jr.
Alan Branch is a defensive tackle. The 49ers employ defensive tackles on their defense. This is a no brainer.
12. Buffalo Bills
DE
Jamaal Anderson
Arkansas
Jr.
The Bills desperatly need a running back but there are no good ones available. I suggest they trade down a spot and see if there are any there.
13. St. Louis Rams
DE
Anthony Spencer
Purdue
Sr.
Scott Linehan really changed the culture in the Rams locker room last year. Too bad he couldnt change the culture on the field. Decent offense, embarrassing defense. Sound familiar? The Rams essentially switched coaches so they could save a few time outs.
14. Carolina Panthers
WR
Sidney Rice
South Carolina
Jr.
The Panthers offense made a lot of plays last year, but they were all bad. This guy should change all that, provided they replace all the other players on the offense and opposing defenders dont wear helmets.
15. Pittsburgh Steelers
ILB
Patrick Willis
Mississippi
Sr.
New coach Mike Tomlin is going to stick with the 4-3 (or is it 3-4?) which means theyll need an inside linebacker or something. Honestly, I havent done much research on this. Call Football Outsiders if you want a ****ing algorithm. All I know is their defense blew last year.
16. Green Bay Packers
ILB
David Harris
Michigan
Sr.
The Packers should pick up an inside linebacker here because the Steelers are taking an inside linebacker and they seem to know what theyre doing.
17. Jacksonville Jaguars
QB
Joe Dailey
North Carolina
Jr.
The Jaguars will address a need here at the third string quarterback position. This guy was a second string quarterback in college, so the transition should be easy for him.
18. Cincinatti Bengals
TE
Greg Olsen
Miami
Sr.
The Bengals continue to draft for defense, but their defense keeps getting worse. This year will bring an unexpected shift when they draft for offense and their defense gets worse.
19. Tennessee Titans
WR
Dwyane Jarrett
USC
Jr.
If quarterbacks were evaluated solely on passing yards (like in the olden days), Vince Young would have been considered one of the worst quarterbacks in the NFL last year. Luckily, quarterbacking appears to be based on your teams won-loss record and the amount of times pundits say your name. Vince Young! There, thats one MVP vote for next year
20. New York Giants
RB
Marshawn Lynch
California
Jr.
The worst player in the draft. But Tom Coughlin should be able to coach him up to the second or third worst player before he gets fired in November.
21. Denver Broncos
OLB
Paul Posluszny
Penn State
Sr.
They can pick anybody here because they really don't have any holes. Actually, when they pick this guy theyll have a hole at linebacker.
22. Dallas Cowboys
S
Josh Gattis
Wake Forest
Sr.
They already have one safety who can smack people around, now they need one who can play defense. This guy's job will be to knock down passes so Roy Williams can concentrate on injuring people.
23. Kansas City Chiefs
WR
Dwyane Bowe
LSU
Sr.
The Chiefs should select any receiver in college football and immediately make him their go-to guy. Also, make him their wide receiver coach.
24. New England Patriots
S
LaRon Landry
LSU
Sr.
Tom Brady is in some hot water having knocked up whats-her-face. What was he thinking? He should have known that sperm can sometimes create babies. Then again, she should have told him, so theres plenty of blame to go around.
25. New York Jets
RB
Adrian Peterson
Oklahoma
Jr.
This is a perfect spot for the Jets to pick a running back. Even though they already have Thomas Jones, it would be funny to make him split carries with a rookie just to watch him go all ape****.
26. Philadelphia Eagles
DT
Amobi Okoye
Louisville
Sr.
This guy was born in Nigeria or something and has overcome a bunch of adversity which means hell be a good run stopper, I guess. I dont know. If hes so smart, what was he doing being born in Nigeria in the first place?
27. New Orleans Saints
DT
Justin Harrell
Tennessee
Sr.
The Saints had a solid run defense last year but a lousy pass defense, so they should grab a safety or a cornerback here. This guy is a defensive lineman, though, so I dont know what theyre thinking.
28. New England Patriots
LB
Buster Davis
Florida State
Sr.
If I have nothing to say about a certain pick, can I skip over it? Good.
29. Baltimore Ravens
G
Ben Grubbs
Auburn
Sr.
The Bills decided to go with no running back at all rather than keep Willis McGahee, which shows you what an amazing coup it was for the Ravens to get him. They should draft an offensive lineman here to give him more time to tap dance before being swarmed by defenders.
30. San Diego Chargers
WR
Robert Meachem
Tennessee
Jr.
Meachem is a mature player with a very high football IQ, which means hell be tuning out Norv Turner by around Week 8 and leading an all-out locker room revolt by Week 14.
31. Chicago Bears
DE
Adam Carriker
Nebraska
Sr.
This guy may not be the top guy on the board, but he has certain qualities (hes white) that would make him appealing (hes white) on pretty much any team (white), including mine (I heart whites).
32. Indianapolis Colts
QB
Brady Quinn
Notre Dame
Sr.
Holy ****. I forget all about this guy. Looks like the Colts get him.
http://thebrushback.com/mockdraft07.htm
